Happy Birthday SOLDIER
by Shade the Hero
Summary: He doesn't hate his birthday, but when Zack tries to make it some huge event Cloud does everything he can to avoid his friend. However fate catches up to him quickly when he helps an unexpected celebrity and it doesn't help when Zack has the best spy in SOLDIER working for him. AU One-shot (Bonus Chapter Added)
1. Chapter 1

_I was really torn about when to upload this. There are several conflicting dates concerning Cloud's Birthday and I was almost convinced it was the 18th or 19th, however I did some research and discovered a sketch art from Master Tetsuya Numora and not only did he wish his character a happy b-day, but also stated the date below the sketch itself. So for all those out there who were also confused, the official date is August 11th._

 _Happy Birthday Cloud!_

 _Enjoy everyone!_

* * *

 _ **Happy Birthday SOLDIER!**_

Cloud Strife wasn't a coward by any means, however he had a very good reason to run and no one would do otherwise in his place. It was well known within Shinra that no one gave a damn about a person's birthday. The president himself didn't give a crap about his own son's, so everyone else was given the same treatment. You might get a pat on the back from one of your friends or maybe a free cup of coffee, but that was about it. Unless of course you were friends with a certain SOLDIER. Then things were very different.

The day had started out normally. Life as an infantryman was very boring and Cloud honestly hated it, but it was better than nothing. He had just finished up his morning patrol when he got the text. It was from a SOLDIER. It wasn't unusual for higher ups to contact grunts like this, but the nature of the message gave Cloud reason enough to worry.

 _From: Second Class Kunsel_

 _Body: Caught Zack looking over your file last night and he found out what today was. Just thought I'd message you before he tracks you down in case you wanted to spend the day differently. Good luck and happy birthday._

Cloud stopped at the front gates to the infantry barracks. He looked in every direction before backing away slowly. Perhaps if he took another mission he could avoid running into the dark haired teen. Making sure his helmet was on securely he made his way back down the street when he heard that familiar voice shout, "Hey, you there, hold up!"

Cloud silently turned and saluted, trying to get away without using his voice.

Zack sighed as he caught his breath, having jogged all the way there. "Hey, you haven't seen a guy named Cloud around, have you?"

Cloud shook his head, thanking the planet that his friend couldn't see through his helmet.

Zack sighed in defeat before looking towards the building. "Damn, that guy's hard to find sometimes, which is surprising considering that spiky hair of his. Oh well, it can't be that hard to find a chocobo in this city. Hey, let me know if you find him, alright? Name's Zack."

The infantryman saluted him and turned to leave as if on a mission as Zack started heading in a different direction when he realized something. "Duh Zack, why don't you call him?" He pulled out his PHS and dialed his friend's number.

Cloud's PHS started ringing and he bolted around the corner and ran down the side street before Zack could catch up.

Twelve blocks and three alleyways later he felt the coast was clear as he leaned against a wall. He was trying to catch his breath and slow his heart rate after his mad dash to get away. He removed his helmet as he slid down the wall and sat on the ground. He'd probably get yelled at by his superior later for not reporting back, but he'd be in just as much hot water if he had let Zack catch him.

Suddenly his PHS rang again and Cloud looked at it.

 _From: Second Class Kunsel_

 _Body: Sorry Cloud._

Cloud heard footsteps charging from the alleyway he had just come from and looked up onto a balcony to see Kunsel himself standing there. The SOLDIER shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. It clicked for the blonde then that Zack was about to catch him and he bolted, helmet forgotten he charged blindly through the streets, trying to outrun his mako-enhanced friend.

"Spiky!"

 _Shit!_ Zack had spotted him. There was only one way to lose him now and that was through a crowd. Cloud headed for Loveless Avenue. He could tell Zack was closing in and knew it was only a matter of seconds before he was caught. Cloud would've accepted his fate, but he could see his destination just ahead of him. He made his way into the street and through the crowd. Due to his short height and skinny stature he was easily weaving through the people while Zack was having trouble. "No fair Spike!"

Cloud did feel bad for ditching his friend like this, but he was not about to be dragged around and thrown into whatever scheme Zack had thought of only for him to be too hung-over to remember what happened the next day.

He heard several people shouting from another direction and was about turn when something collided into him, knocking him over.

Cloud sat up and rubbed his head and saw someone wearing a ball cap and sunglasses rubbing his chest. Cloud was about to apologize when a female voice screamed, "There he is!"

The man's head shot up and he jumped to his feet. Instantly Cloud figured they were in the same situation and offered his help. He grabbed the man's arm and pulled him towards another alley. "This way," he called and the man followed.

The alley curved and weaved like a serpent and was very narrow. It connected to several other alleys and Cloud chose random paths, finally coming to a stop when the alley opened up into a side pocket in between some buildings. The man was huffing slightly, but Cloud was panting heavily. He fell back, unable to stand any longer.

"I think we lost 'em."

The man who was wearing a loose black jacket and jean pants relaxed, but remained standing. "Thank you."

"Don't worry about it," Cloud replied.

"Seems like you were also running, may I ask why?"

Cloud looked up at the man. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he felt like he knew the man somehow, but decided not to worry about it. "A friend of mine wants to celebrate my birthday, and I appreciate it, but he gets carried away a lot."

"Sounds like someone I know," the man replied.

"The fun part's gonna be explaining myself next time I see him, if I manage to avoid him for the rest of the day, but it's not going to be easy when he's got another friend who could find a needle In a haystack the size of Midgar." He looked up at the man then and decided to share his curiosity. "Why were you running?"

The man looked down at him and then continued to scan the alley both ahead and behind. "I was trying to escape my fans."

Cloud stood then and asked, "Fans?"

A dark shape suddenly dropped down from the roof above them and shoved Cloud to the ground. He felt his hands pulled behind his back and his face shoved into the brick street.

"Aha! I finally caught you, stubborn chocobo!"

"Zack," Cloud grunted under the pressure.

"Don't you 'Zack' me! You had me looking all over the place for you, ya little shit! Lying to me at the front gate and taking off like that, do you know how much that hurt? I shouldn't even bother celebrating your birthday, but I'll get my revenge another day. Just you wait and see."

"Zack, I can't. I'm on duty today. I can't just play hooky!" Cloud tried rising from the ground, but his friend's arrest lock was impossible to get out of.

"Well then what are you doing right now? You're not on patrol," Zack replied with a winning grin.

"He was providing my escort," replied the man who decided now was as good a time as any to speak up.

Zack looked up and noticed the man for the first time. He blinked and nearly needed to do a double take. "Sephiroth, is that really you?"

The general removed his sunglasses and hat revealing his iconic green eyes and silver hair. "Yes and I'd appreciate it if you'd release your captive Lieutenant."

Zack obeyed and Cloud slowly stood, rubbing his wrists in the process before looking over at the general. He was even more surprised than Zack was. All this time he had been helping the general of SOLDIER and didn't even know it. His common sense kicked in and he threw his general a salute, "My apologies for not recognizing you sooner, Sir."

"That is the point of a disguise," Sephiroth replied. "State your name and rank."

"Private Cloud Strife, infantry," the blonde replied.

Sephiroth studied the young teen before him before looking up at Zack. "How long has he been avoiding you?"

"Since earlier this morning, I had the whole day planned out, but we'll kinda have to skip some of it now though," he added sadly.

Cloud smiled inwardly at this, until he heard Sephiroth's next reply.

"You could just schedule it for another time."

That made Zack smile and Cloud had to suppress a groan. The blonde's reactions didn't escape the general's notice and he decided to reward him for his help.

"However that will have to wait until after his promotion."

Zack blinked and Cloud was convinced heard wrong.

"You serious," asked Zack.

Sephiroth nodded. "I rarely joke. Private Strife just saved me from the Silver Elite."

Zack smiled down at his best friend. "Well how 'bout that? It's not every day the general gets saved from his own fan club."

"This is partly why he deserves the promotion. It should make a nice birthday gift."

Zack pulled his friend into a headlock and gave him a noogie. "Way to go Spiky!" He then got an evil idea, what better way to get his friend back for ditching him than to ask for the impossible. "Hey Seph, how about you give him another shot to join SOLDIER instead? That's what he wants to become more than anything."

Cloud's eyes grew wide, but he was unable to move thanks to the headlock, so he settled for jabbing his elbow into his friend's ribs instead. Zack winced, but didn't release him.

"Is that so," asked Sephiroth. Cloud tried to shake his head no, but Zack's hold was unbreakable. "Sure is. It's been his dream since he was a kid, right Spike?"

"I don't see a problem with it," the general replied.

Zack beamed and looked down. "You hear that Spiky?...Spike?...Cloud?"

However the infantryman had passed out from the lack of oxygen.

Several hours later Cloud opened his eyes only to find he was in the medical wing. He looked to his right and saw a stuffed chocobo with a note sitting on the night stand. He picked it up and read it.

" _Sorry about earlier. Zack's rank is just a bit above mine so I couldn't refuse an order to help track you down. Congrats on the promotion and happy birthday: Kunsel."_

Cloud rubbed his forehead as he sat up. "Promotion?"

The door opened and a doctor came in, followed by a nurse pushing a tray and Zack brought up the rear.

Cloud was utterly confused which turned to panic when the doctor pulled back the tray's cloth to reveal several syringes. Zack only smirked at his friend's reaction. "It's alright buddy."

"What's going on?"

"It's your promotion. After you passed out Sephiroth decided to automatically declare you a Third Class to avoid anymore hassle. Happy Birthday Cloud! You're a SOLDIER!"


	2. Bonus Chapter and Announcement

A Second Class entered the infirmary with the idea that he was going to walk in, get his booster mako shots, take an hour-long nap and leave to finish his duties. What he didn't expect was the commotion that came from one of the closed rooms.

He was just going to sit down and ignore it, but the sound of shattering glass from a broken vase forced him into action. He knocked on the door before calling out, "Everything alright in there?"

Zack poked his head out and nodded. "Yeah, we're just dealing with a wild chocobo in here. It's nothing I can't handle though."

"I'm not a chocobo! _YOU'RE_ a chocobo…you….you…chocobo-butt!"

Another crash sounded a picture that had fallen from the wall as Zack tried to calm the occupant. "Cloud, chill! Anything you break I'm gonna have to replace!"

"They're cheap knock offs anyway," the loopy blonde replied. "They call this art? It's all over the place!"

"That's a Picasso! It's just the way he paints!"

"Tell him ta go back ta art school. He sucks! A person's face looks nothing like that!"

"You sure you don't need my help," asked the concerned Second.

Zack sighed before rolling up a magazine and pointing to towards the mako-drugged blonde who actually hissed in response. Zack shoved a book into the Second's hands.

"Look, I got it covered, just sit down in the next room and read this while you wait to get your mind off. Cloud! Get that skeleton's hand out of your mouth! I'm supposed to be the puppy around here!"

He closed the door and the commotion continued. The Second Class wanted to help, but Zack said he had it covered so he decided to take the SOLDIER's advice and wait in the next room until the nurses were able to properly restrain the newbie.

He didn't want to at first, but taking a look at the first few paragraphs had made the man curious. "I'll Make a Man Out of You," hmm, interesting title for a story. Maybe it's one of those self-training books?"

He decided to ignore everything and else read.

* * *

A little short for a part 2, but there's a good reason for that. This is more of an announcement and an explanation for what happens next. for example, that book Zack gave the Second to read is in fact the sequel to this one-shot! More info will be found there, I just thought doing it this way would be a fun chance to inform you guys. Enjoy it. There are plenty of laughs to come. ;)


End file.
